“Dearly departed, it’s done when it started / So now that I’m living so harmoniously / Feeling like Spartacus, Curry the ultimate / I am the best, there’s no politics, b***ch, I’m ultimate!” – Ultimate (Remix), Denzel Curry f/ Juicy J (2015)
These days, this eight-letter word gets thrown around so often in the course of everyday vernacular that it has all but lost its original pizazz and intimidation factor. (Trust us, we’re guilty of it too.) The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “ultimate” as: A) last in a progression or series; or B) the best or most extreme of its kind. Yet even when someone ONLY means the former, people automatically assume they mean the latter… amirite or amirite? Whether you’re walking into class, in line at the bank, or in a full sprint from security check to your plane’s departure gate, someone just HAS to pile on that tired “Hey, they always save the best for last!” joke… to which you reflexively respond with your best fake laugh.
Only on rare occasions does “ultimate” mean what you want it to mean: a synonym for IDEAL, SUPERLATIVE, and EXCELLENT. You know, words that would describe that thick-and-thin, years-long friendship shared by you and your best mate. The two of you have been side-by-side for ULTIMATE ups-and-downs, shared ULTIMATE secrets, and forged ULTIMATE mutual and reciprocal respect. And now, this ultimate friendship is about to be put to the, ahem, ultimate test: the bachelor has JUST asked you to be his best man, and he’s asked you to run point on planning his upcoming bachelor party in Vegas… his ULTIMATE last hurrah.
Why is planning a bachelor party so hard?
That’s the question that you ask yourself as you let out a big sigh, open up your laptop and hop on the internets, and get to work on mapping out this epic weekend in Vegas. As you start your search, you know you’re not totally a lost puppy – you’ve partied in Vegas many times in the past with and without your man of honor, and you’ve got numerous friends in high and low places who are willing to offer sound and not-so-sound recommendations – but of course you wouldn’t mind having a professional to guide you. You know, someone who can take all those suggestions floating around and give you ultimate answers?
Enter Discotech – your ultimate solution for lining up the Stag Party festivities. We’re 6+ years deep into this Vegas nightlife game, and we know how to play it to a “T” boys. We’ve helped THOUSANDS of satisfied clients with their bachelor party needs; we’ve been featured on BBC Travel and we are also highly reviewed on Yelp! and in both the App Store and Google Play. What we know from our experience is this: marriage is NOT for the faint of heart…. but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worthwhile. Likewise, Sin City is most definitely not for the faint of heart, but it too is worth the adventure. Great… so it’s a match made in heaven!
And look, who cares if Vegas is the cliche Bachelor Party destination – it earned that title for a legit reason, didn’t it??? Year in and year out it delivers the goods, and incoming visitors from all over the world indulge in its charms and vices and get their money’s worth. You’re just next in line, and it’s time to send your best bud off to his next adventure into that unknown world of commitment and “true love” (snickering). But first, it’s time to celebrate his final days of freedom, and do so in a major and unforgettable way.
The thing about Vegas you should acknowledge before planning the wildest weekend of your (and the groom’s) life is that it is impossible to be disappointed if you go in knowing what to expect. Expect to spend the equivalent to 1-2 months rent or more if you want to have a reasonably fun time. Expect to leave feeling like every ounce of energy has been drained from your sorry, hungover soul. Expect that this weekend’s escapades will hopefully never be brought up by you or your friends in front of anyone from whom you seek to gain or maintain a modicum of respect. And of course, expect one helluva time and memories to last a lifetime.
OK, now that we have all that out of the way, let’s get down to brass tacks.
Day -100 to Day 0: Ultimate Preparation
They say a stitch in time saves nine, and the bachelor party pre-arrival planning is the part of the process that requires THE MOST attention to detail. First off, remember the 100-day Rule: to take advantage of favorable pricing for flights, hotels, shows, nightclubs, and anything else related to Vegas that requires tickets or reservations, you MUST start planning the festivities no less than 3-4 months in advance of your planned arrival date.
Second, remember the 8-man Rule: a group of 6-8 dudes is really the ideal situation; any more than that and the group becomes tougher to manage, the logistics get pricier, and the restaurant and party spot reservations get more difficult to set up, particularly on short notice. Also, this is an optimal size for a group to split bottle service, because it’s the sweet spot: based on how most Vegas clubs price table options and allow number of guests for those options, either a lower or higher amount of gents in the crew than 6-8 will present prohibitively expensive per-head costs.
Have the big group divvy up into smaller groups of two or three in order to book hotel rooms and share expenses, so that the expenses don’t all fall onto one guy’s credit card. Also, pick a region of the strip and make sure everyone coordinates to stay in a hotel in that area, if not in the same exact hotel; for obvious reasons and to save tons of time, it’s best if everyone books rooms within the same hotel or at adjacent resorts.
Try to plan for the bachelor weekend to be during a eventful time – either summertime with warm weather, or an active fall/winter weekend not coinciding with a major holiday, like the Rock & Roll Marathon (November), the Professional Bull Riders Tour Finals (December), or NFL Playoffs (January). Create a group text to figure out all your preferences, come to a consensus, and finalize details, then have the most knowledgeable Vegas veterans in the crew reach out to us here on the Discotech help line to narrow down the best-fit VIP bottle service customized to your group’s budget and music type. The group text will also become the forum for discussing and getting an idea of the level of debauchery and depravity each of the guys are willing to engage in and adjusting the plans accordingly, as well as the central communication hub when you arrive in Vegas.
One more pro tip: as the big bachelor weekend approaches, it’s time to start eating healthier and hitting the gym… and oh BTW, no shame in working on that tan too! Remember, this is Las Vegas where everyone dresses and looks their best – at least for three days – and out here, superficial impressions and swagger tend to be more important in initiating conversation because time is of the essence.
Alright, no more dilly-dallying on such pregame rituals. The big weekend has now arrived, and it’s time to lay out THE prototype bachelor weekend agenda – the quintessential roadmap to give your buddy and his supporting cast. the ULTIMATE farewell to the single, wild, and free life. Grab your pen and paper, you’ll want to jot down some notes.
Day 1: Friday (aka Ultimate Frisbee)
If you’ve done your homework up to this point, then arrival day in Vegas should be as easy as tossing around a plastic disc to fellow semi-athletic humans on a pristine green college campus lawn on a warm, breezy weekend afternoon. Don’t try to get too ambitious on the first day of the trip when everyone is coming into town. It’s risky to have any set agenda for Friday activities – especially if advance payments are required to book – because delays to flight landing times into McCarran are as frequent as a craps table crap-out.
Here’s what we suggest:
- Early afternoon: Rekindle the group chat and keep each other aware of flight landing times and who might get delayed, as well as to possibly coordinate shared rides from the airport to save money. Also, use the group chat to send each other reminders of funny stories and pics from Vegas trips past, to get everyone fired up for the bachelor party. Safe travels to Sin City!
- Late afternoon: Arrive and check in to hotels; meet in lobby or downstairs grab a few drinks, get situated, and catch up with the guys in the crew you haven’t seen in awhile.
- Night: Group dinner at a nice steakhouse. (Mastro’s Ocean Club at Aria, Wolfgang Puck’s CUT at Venetian, and STK at Cosmopolitan are our Discotech favorites.)
- Late night: Walk the strip and barhop. You can rack beer pong at O’Sheas at the LINQ, play oversized Jenga at the outdoor bars next to T-Mobile Arena, or smoke hookah and take in views of the strip lights at Rhumbar. Hit up the casino for some gambling if you have self-control, but remember: you need ample money to fund the partying over the next two days! This is the “calm before the storm” night – it’s important that everyone is in bed at a reasonable hour (2-3am) for a solid night’s sleep.
Day 2: Saturday (aka Ultimate Fighting Championship)
Day 2 is when your crew should be well-rested, well-hydrated, and ready to rock. It’s time to put the mouthguard in and the gloves on and get ready for some UFC-style heavy hitting and bodily abuse. It’s going to be a marathon – five rounds of adrenaline-pumping body-on-body action…. and only the strong will survive.
- Daytime: POOL PARTY!! Book a cabana or daybed for bottle service at a poppin’ pool party. Find one of the hottest events going on that weekend and go see one of your favorite DJs or performing artists. For a Saturday day party, Wet Republic is ALWAYS a good idea. Between the killer lineups and badass surroundings, this pool is a go-to for parties all Summer long.
- Afternoon: Most day parties hit their peak from 2:30pm to around 4pm and close down around 5:30-6pm. You’re a rockstar if you stay all the way until the end, but there’s no shame in leaving earlier or after the featured artist has performed; this will give you a few hours to do something productive like grab a casual bite, walk The Strip, buy liquor and snacks for the room pre-party, or do some outfit shopping.
- Early Evening: After the pool party, try to crash out for a bit. Squeezing in at least a one-hour nap is a veteran move that WILL save you, not to mention have your engine running at its best for the race to come. Also, early evening is the ideal time for all the non-single guys in your group to make those calls or FaceTimes to check in with their significant others back home. (Keep those stories and details to a minimum: just let her know no one is dead, the lovable crazy guy in your group did something lovably crazy, and you’re thinking of her and can’t wait to get back home to her.)
- Late Evening: The insanity of Saturday afternoon MUST necessarily be followed by an epic Saturday night. Make sure everyone is awake from their naps, showered, and ready to go no later than 9:45pm, or 30 minutes before your dinner plan if you have reservations at a certain time. Designate one hotel room to be the rendezvous point for the crew, and have pregame drinks ready in that room to incentivize the guys to get there on time. Then, after dinner head to Omnia or Hakkasan and check in on your baller table with amazing stage views. Revel in the bass, have one or eight drinks, make the bachelor feel like king for a night, and take in the overwhelming atmosphere of the kingdom over which he lords until the wee hours of the morning.
- Late Night / Early Morning: There’s something to be said about those that can make it to this time. If that includes most of your group, then you guys are some party veterans! For the guys that are tired or too drunk, don’t pressure them to go down the late-night rabbit holes with you, as they’ll detract from the fun… make sure they get safely into their rides home. For the Night’s Watchmen: from the hours of 4-8 am, a strip club is the item on most bachelor party agendas. Head to Sapphire Gentlemen’s Club for 24/7 raunchy fun; it’s the tried-and-true way to put the cherry on top of a Vegas bachelor party (and might be the last time the bachelor can get away with going to one).
Day 3: Sunday (aka Ultimate Warrior)
Day 3 becomes an ultimate war of wills, a WWE-style Royal Rumble to determine the last man standing. Some in the bachelor crew may have already tapped out, via bodily breakdown or via Sunday morning flights out of town to get back to their wives and kids. For those warriors that do survive through to Sunday, more glory, more cherished memories, and more spoils of victory lie in wait. Gird your loins (and wallets!) for final battle!
- Late morning: When you begin to roll out of bed – or let’s face it, you might not have gone to sleep yet! – you might start noticing you are hungry AF and the hangover is starting to creep up on you. Do not let that happen: it’s time to kill two birds with one stone, and nothing is more notorious for accomplishing that than BRUNCH! Vegas brunch buffets combine the best of both worlds: upscale, savory dining and hydration/inebriation options and the theme of “overdoing it” that Vegas knows all too well. Have a couple of mimosas and indulge in the exquisite array of breakfast/ lunch delicacies from cuisines all over the world. You’ll step out of the restaurant refreshed and ready to take on the Vegas beast one last time!
- Afternoon: This is the only intermission from partying for the weekend, but it should not be a break from adrenaline at all. The Las Vegas area has several daytime adventures and excursions visitors often forget about. We think the best way to get the blood flowing and the excitement building is to take the team to the desert for some ATV riding; other awesome activities include exotic car racing, gun shooting, and even bulldozer/crane driving!
- Night: By now the anticipation is killing you…. how are you going to close out the last night of this legendary send-off to your no longer single friend?!? The answer is the easiest no-brainer decision of the weekend: XS Night Swim! To say this evening party is magical is an understatement. Everything about this summer-long Sunday event is flawless, from the top tier DJ acts to the top notch cocktail servers to the unforgettable experience splashing around in the giant Wynn pool surrounded by oversized inflatables and beautiful strangers.
Day 4: Ultimate Ending
- When you get back to your hotel room after the Sunday night partying, double-check on your hotel checkout time and your flight departure time. If you can, line up a late checkout and pack your bags before falling asleep.
- Make sure to set multiple alarms on your phone and set it RIGHT. NEXT. TO. YOUR. EAR. before catching those precious few hours of sleep.
- When you wake up, make sure to check the Uber/Lyft transit times to McCarran and plan your morning routine, coffee run, and shared ride request accordingly.
- You made it to the airport! Grab a greasy burger, drink water or a sports drink, and share those crazy pictures and stories for the weekend in your group text. Time for a much needed recovery day at home before you have to get back to the weekly workweek grind.
- From here on out to the bachelor’s wedding day and beyond until the day you two grow old and die, remember the ULTIMATE Golden Rule: WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS STAYS IN VEGAS.